Wednesday, July 02, 2003
I'm so confused and so without any option but to trust God.
all those drat little thoughts that pester me. that dream from way back when where i distinctly remember the reddish brown hair. or i'm already there and that voice that said, look next to you. he's there.
grrr
i just don't k now. he hasn't brought it up again and i plan on keeping mouth shut until he does because really, things are good the way they are.
i can talk to him. i'm comfortable with him. i feel safe with him. i can trust him. he's fun. he lets me be me. he listens.
it feels like it could come to a choice. a choice that work either way.
why can't things be simple? i guess because things would get boring.
and that feeling that maybe that time is coming where I meet this boy I've been thinking about since that new year's eve. that day i felt the promise made. and knowing that the promise is still there. as i still feel that promise for that daughter child one day. heh, sometimes i worry that maybe if that promise does come, i'll play favorites and i don't want that. i want to love all my kids equally . i don't know, but then. no, i know there's something in the bible about that. i should look it up again. i say that a lot and don't.
scholl mentioned something interesting tonight as we were discussing rules and bending rules. how they may not be against God's law exactly, but maybe the spirit of God's laws. leaves a lot of room for thought. do i really want justification for bending rules, well not bending but breaking outright?
life is confusing. and so it will be until the day i die.
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all those drat little thoughts that pester me. that dream from way back when where i distinctly remember the reddish brown hair. or i'm already there and that voice that said, look next to you. he's there.
grrr
i just don't k now. he hasn't brought it up again and i plan on keeping mouth shut until he does because really, things are good the way they are.
i can talk to him. i'm comfortable with him. i feel safe with him. i can trust him. he's fun. he lets me be me. he listens.
it feels like it could come to a choice. a choice that work either way.
why can't things be simple? i guess because things would get boring.
and that feeling that maybe that time is coming where I meet this boy I've been thinking about since that new year's eve. that day i felt the promise made. and knowing that the promise is still there. as i still feel that promise for that daughter child one day. heh, sometimes i worry that maybe if that promise does come, i'll play favorites and i don't want that. i want to love all my kids equally . i don't know, but then. no, i know there's something in the bible about that. i should look it up again. i say that a lot and don't.
scholl mentioned something interesting tonight as we were discussing rules and bending rules. how they may not be against God's law exactly, but maybe the spirit of God's laws. leaves a lot of room for thought. do i really want justification for bending rules, well not bending but breaking outright?
life is confusing. and so it will be until the day i die.
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