Venti Angst

torn emotions, confusion all around
is it just "that time of the month"
or is there something more?
something haunting me, Someone.
such a hypocrite,
speaking about priorities and such.
can't get them straight myself.
presenting the idea that
sure, I'm "spiritual" and "mature".
oh but I'm not.

just like I want to be good at writing,
in the fuzzy world.
I want to be one of them
but knowing somehow I can't.
Is there a them in which I belong?

so many directions
but there really is only one.
why can't I? or can I even?
If I humanly can't, than why does
He let me wander so?

off I go again random thoughts.
no real stability, no focus
when it comes to God.

so selfish.
undeserving.
feeling alone.
"he will provide a way of escape."
but context of temptation!
"I am with you always"
can i really argue that?
than why am I struggling so?
what am I struggling with?
where do i find the answers?
am I asking the right questions?

so much to do?
where does the balance lie?
[i] be still and know that I am God [\i]

Father God I want...
Be still...



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