Venti Angst

hard to find the words
to express the many thoughts

I saw your Passion played out on Screen
I was eveloped in the blood and pain
wondering what to think
wondering if i was supposed to feel
if i was supposed to cry

the torn flesh
the blood on the stones
the sick glee and laughter as they scourged the body
of my Savior.
to see Judas
come to a bitter end
and pay the price for turning his back on you

wondering what happened to those who saw you die
who shouted "crucify"
did they ever turn back?
of what group would I have been?
i fear the answer.

and than everything after.
i walked out without words to describe
numb and oblivious as i drove to get coffee
needed the quiet and needed to be away from the distraction of the world
i felt so dirty and so...
as if my life's blessings, as if everything around me means nothing
it's all worthless.

we went to kidsview
usually a place of child-like peace.
from the beginning something felt wrong.
we walked around and talked
and that was good.
we witnessed the beginnings of suspicious activities
on this full moon night.
felt the slight danger and wanted to get away
smelled the smoke as we left.

i wondered what i should do.
he disagreed with my thoughts.
i didn't know what to do.
i saw the cop car as we came onto campus
and i knew what i had to do
but i didn't immediately act.

so much for one night.
i witnessed your passion.
felt my lack thereof.
and than you revealed to me
wrongdoings and left me with a choice.

i acted.
and things aren't going well.
now what?


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