Saturday, October 23, 2004
He's still only a guy and I'm really just a girl. We aren't man and woman. It isn't physical but spirtual.
We aren't seeking God as one. We are two individuals, not a couple.
Yet I know that he is the one I'm meant to marry. As much as I want to give up, and recognize that the fear I have of walking away isn't a good one, I'm being told not to give up but to marry him. But we aren't ready for that it seems.
I shouldn't be afraid of walking away. I'm afraid because I fear for our friends and what it would do to him.
I'm not sure of myself right now. I shouldn't be violent and not quite so mean. Doesn't mean that I'm always wrong and that there is never a time I should stand up to him as he is, but I'm too violent and mean over the little things.
Father God, I need your help to control my arms. Remove the strength to hit. I need to talk to him out loud about the things that have bothering and entangling me.
What gets me down the most right now is that I wonder if I shouldn't have waited. I wonder if Josh really is the right one and I wish for a way out without the pain I fear. I wish but I also hear God telling me that Josh is the man I am to marry, even as I look at another guy and wonder if he wouldn't be more "suitable." Really, he isn't. The difference between Josh and him is that he doesn't have the loud arrogance and constant facade of chavinism.
Josh tells me that I know who he really is...but it's so hard to remember that with the way he acts most of the time. but then, who am I to Josh?
I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Father please help me! Help US!
0 comments
We aren't seeking God as one. We are two individuals, not a couple.
Yet I know that he is the one I'm meant to marry. As much as I want to give up, and recognize that the fear I have of walking away isn't a good one, I'm being told not to give up but to marry him. But we aren't ready for that it seems.
I shouldn't be afraid of walking away. I'm afraid because I fear for our friends and what it would do to him.
I'm not sure of myself right now. I shouldn't be violent and not quite so mean. Doesn't mean that I'm always wrong and that there is never a time I should stand up to him as he is, but I'm too violent and mean over the little things.
Father God, I need your help to control my arms. Remove the strength to hit. I need to talk to him out loud about the things that have bothering and entangling me.
What gets me down the most right now is that I wonder if I shouldn't have waited. I wonder if Josh really is the right one and I wish for a way out without the pain I fear. I wish but I also hear God telling me that Josh is the man I am to marry, even as I look at another guy and wonder if he wouldn't be more "suitable." Really, he isn't. The difference between Josh and him is that he doesn't have the loud arrogance and constant facade of chavinism.
Josh tells me that I know who he really is...but it's so hard to remember that with the way he acts most of the time. but then, who am I to Josh?
I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Father please help me! Help US!
0 comments
